dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
