i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize