When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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