Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
