If that was your dad, he is hot
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
