My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
honey bunches of taint.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
