bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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