Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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