I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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