Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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