I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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