Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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