i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
