I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
