cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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