i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
