I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
