Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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