hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
