I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
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Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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