It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
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I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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