I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
