bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
