Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it was like eating out sand paper
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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