ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
