he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
