he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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