Pappa wants mamma naked
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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