she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
