Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
