the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
