So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
