You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
