Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
