tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize