I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
