if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
