peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
