No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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