I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
