She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
