Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
