Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i would punch a child for taco bell
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
