I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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