Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
