she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
