I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize