Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
