I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
