well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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