sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
