Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
