I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
