We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
