I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize