im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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