hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
