she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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