Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
