I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
