Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
