11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
