Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
