if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
