I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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