please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
