At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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