Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
