I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
