You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Is Oprah even human
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
