don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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