Yo dont text me then not text me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
