I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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