Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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