It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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