NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
