Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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