sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
