I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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