I am puke
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
