Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
