Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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