I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
